Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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