Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
