proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it's like iHOP with fire
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
