3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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