are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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