Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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