Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
