So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
