apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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