I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
