Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize