I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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