Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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