if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There's even glitter on my cock...
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