Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
