My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
