my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
