I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
