dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
