A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
