Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
