Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
