Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
third nipple confirmed
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
