Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
