I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
