Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
