You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
