i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
