Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
