the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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