if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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