I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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