sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
