we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
