Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
