Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
