I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All the doctor said was why
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
