Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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