Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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