I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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