I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize