the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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