I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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