Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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