There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
