8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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