I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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