watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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