I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
