My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
