i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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