You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
