Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm at about main and main street
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize