I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
