no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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