I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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