So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize