just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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