I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
