Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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