i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize