textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
