how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
