Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
