i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
