so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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