I queefed so loud it echoed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
