You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
