What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize