You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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