Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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