there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize