Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
