Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
