That's intense
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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