White coat. Heels.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
