why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
