I have demons in me.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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