what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
