the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
