The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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