awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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