I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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