This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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