Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
