all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
