i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
