you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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