i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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