i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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